I have some hope that the new generation are better at this than the old. The whole stiff upper lip nonsense is somewhat dying out, and my son tells me that he and his close friends often check in on each other with “are you doing ok?” Which genuinely invites more of an honest response.
I fall into this trap each time. I sometimes think I am somewhat autistic and cannot lie. I beginn honestly and enthusiastically to reply to this question with a full report about my feelings and thoughts and doings at the time and each time I notice after the first sentence or the second a slight exasperation in the demeanour of the one who asked, about their realisation that I genuinely will now endeavour into that report. And that was not what the question was about. thank you for this thoughtful fragment!
Thanks for reading, and for your comment, Ivy. I think we sometimes miss those cues ("I don't *really* want to know how you are"), but I do miss that we don't genuinely have more time to check on these things before we are buried in the world of work and social conventions that get us through our days.
My father, a man of few words, taught us that words have meaning. We should speak only when we have something to say and when we are genuinely interested in hearing a response. It has always bothered me how our greetings have become co-opted in the manner you describe. If I intend to simply greet someone and be on my way I will say "Good morning" and carry on about my business. If I ask you, "How are you?" then I want to sit and chat for a bit because I really want to know. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Yes, there's also the more archaic 'How do you do?' which perhaps discourages even more! I always chide myself when I answer fully, realising that the person asking didn't really want to know how I was after all!
I have some hope that the new generation are better at this than the old. The whole stiff upper lip nonsense is somewhat dying out, and my son tells me that he and his close friends often check in on each other with “are you doing ok?” Which genuinely invites more of an honest response.
Yes, I think that's true for my two also. Sadly, I think they also need to be checking in with each other more today than perhaps we ever needed to. x
I fall into this trap each time. I sometimes think I am somewhat autistic and cannot lie. I beginn honestly and enthusiastically to reply to this question with a full report about my feelings and thoughts and doings at the time and each time I notice after the first sentence or the second a slight exasperation in the demeanour of the one who asked, about their realisation that I genuinely will now endeavour into that report. And that was not what the question was about. thank you for this thoughtful fragment!
Thanks for reading, and for your comment, Ivy. I think we sometimes miss those cues ("I don't *really* want to know how you are"), but I do miss that we don't genuinely have more time to check on these things before we are buried in the world of work and social conventions that get us through our days.
My father, a man of few words, taught us that words have meaning. We should speak only when we have something to say and when we are genuinely interested in hearing a response. It has always bothered me how our greetings have become co-opted in the manner you describe. If I intend to simply greet someone and be on my way I will say "Good morning" and carry on about my business. If I ask you, "How are you?" then I want to sit and chat for a bit because I really want to know. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Yes, there's also the more archaic 'How do you do?' which perhaps discourages even more! I always chide myself when I answer fully, realising that the person asking didn't really want to know how I was after all!